


Green Liquor, Blue Balls

by BrightneeBee, Draughtofpeace, PixieKisses, slytherinsubmarine



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Absinthe, Brandy - Freeform, F/M, Not really a bookclub, Post-War, Teacher!Hermione, annoying!Hermione, bookworms, drunk tease, frisky in the Restricted Section, jerk!Snape, references to sex potions, solo masturbation, teacher's private quarters, tease, tease!Hermione, virgin!Snape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:49:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27186154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrightneeBee/pseuds/BrightneeBee, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Draughtofpeace/pseuds/Draughtofpeace, https://archiveofourown.org/users/PixieKisses/pseuds/PixieKisses, https://archiveofourown.org/users/slytherinsubmarine/pseuds/slytherinsubmarine
Summary: Hermione hounds Snape to discuss a special topic. An evening of drinks and teasing ensues.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Severus Snape
Comments: 7
Kudos: 62
Collections: Page 394 Discord Collection





	Green Liquor, Blue Balls

Severus Snape was many things. Intelligent, sharp-tongued, brooding. But never in his life had he been labeled 'interest-worthy.'

He only gave Granger a book. That was it. A book.

How the bloody hell would a 30-something year old witch consider a book as an open invitation to pursue him?

Hermione Granger had spent the entire afternoon reading it from cover to cover. The ancient book on Potion Making seemed more like a grimoire than a normal text.

When Severus Snape had presented it to her, she had been surprised at the kind gesture. As far as she was aware, the man loathed her entirely. He was always making snide comments, and making fun of the way her hair turned into a frizzy mess when brewing.

There was one chapter however, that truly sparked her interest, and that was potions used to enhance sexual pleasure. At first, she thought they'd be something similar to a love potion, or be recipe upon recipe on how to skilfully make your own unidentifiable versions of Muggle Rohypnol.

But no, some of these were actually fascinating. She was definitely going to have to ask him about them next time she saw him, which she hoped would be before the start of classes again.

Taking up the position of Transfiguration professor might not have been her first choice of career, but she took to the job like a duck to water. Plus, it gave her unprecedented access to the Hogwarts Library, which still had the same familiar smell of vanilla, lavender furniture polish, and fresh ink that she had grown to love as a student.

Stretching, she set the book carefully aside, disrupting Crookshanks in the process. He had taken up residence on her lap, and was now glowering at her, unimpressed at being rudely woken from his nap.

Seven-thirty. If she changed now, she'd manage to catch him at dinner in the Great Hall. Putting on something a little nicer than joggers and an oversized t-shirt, she grabbed the book and raced down the stairs from her apartments, skidding into the Great Hall and colliding with the man she was anxious to see.

Hermione blushed in embarrassment when she realised who the strong chest belonged to. "Oh, I'm so sorry, Severus!"

"Miss Granger," Snape grimaced. Instinctively, his hands grabbed at his cloak, and Hermione watched as pale fingers wrapped around the coarse black fabric, bringing it around his chest, clearly with the intention of creating a physical barrier between them. "It's incredible to see that, though you have aged, it seems that you still find yourself running around the castle like an unruly child."

It had been well over ten years since Granger had graduated Hogwarts, yet the girl was an ever-present thorn in his side. She had taken up an apprenticeship under Horace Slughorn, who upon retiring as Potions Master at Hogwarts, had decided to open an apothecary in Hogsmeade.

  1. Pippin’s Potions was not pleased, and neither was Snape.



He did not recall extending an invitation to Granger allowing her to owl him whenever she found herself at a dead end in her potion making, yet the owls arrived. Though it vexed him, he took this opportunity to convey in a letter what he truly thought of her all these years; that she did not have a natural aptitude for potion making and that when written instructions failed to deliver the desired result, she could not intuitively deduce the logical next step.

Yet, it hardly mattered. The insufferable witch had disregarded his vehemence, and continued to batter him with owl after owl. What game was she playing?

"I was just coming to find you, actually," Hermione said with a brilliant smile as she looked up at the tall, dark, imposing figure of her former Potions professor, now colleague. 

"I found something in the book you gave me that I found interesting. I was wondering ... well ... rather _hoping_ you'd have time to discuss it with me. Classes don't start for a few days, and I would greatly value your input." Hermione couldn't help rambling slightly, despite the deep scowl on his face and the way his top lip curled dangerously.

“You have an hour. Tuesday. 7pm.” Snape said curtly, stopping only a short while before hurtling past her, down the hall and out of sight, his cloak billowing behind him. Clearly, he had made a grave mistake by gifting Granger that particular book. She was still the keen, encyclopedic, unbearable know-it-all that she had been while under his tutelage. Now that she had taken a position at Hogwarts, the girl would frequent his office, requesting advice, invading his privacy, one would think that she had forgotten how unkind he had been to her all those years ago. The handwritten book had caught her eye late one afternoon during one of her interruptions.

Snape had been looking for a specific line of text on the use of unicorn blood to reverse the effects of lifelong curses and had left the book on his desk. He could sense her continuously glancing over in its direction. Annoyed, Snape grabbed the book and dropped it onto her lap disdainfully, choosing to gift it to her when she decided his office would be a suitable place to read the entirety of the book. It wasn’t enough that he had lost a rather rare manuscript to Granger, now she wanted to discuss it, as though he was running a bloody book club out of his office.

Merlin's balls, Snape was not looking forward to Tuesday. Not with the glint that had showed up in Granger's eyes. There was no viable reason for her eyes to almost _glow_ in such a way. No matter that they were a fascinating example of genetics at play. He most certainly did not find the cinnamon depths of the young woman's eyes to be engaging _whatsoever_. Snape simply preferred that she not look at him as if she were ready to ... hug him. 

Or worse.

What the bloody hell was she playing at?

Hermione was crestfallen. Why did he have to pick the only day she wasn't free? "Unfortunately, I'm meeting up with Harry and Ginny on Tuesday. What about Friday at 8pm? I can bring wine?" She noticed that he wasn't entirely happy at the mention of wine. Interesting. Maybe he was a spirit man like her father? "Have you had breakfast? Maybe we could discuss what I found now?"

"I suppose you’ll just have to decide how your time is best spent, Miss Granger, with me or with Potter."

Snape stopped abruptly and turned to face her, a wicked twinkle in his black eyes. Had she really just presumed that he'd rearrange his entire schedule to concur with hers? So she could dilly-dally with Potter? It was astounding just how little the girl knew him. It was as though she had never set a foot in his classroom. 

He continued, "Might I remind you that you are the one in need of my instruction, not I of yours. So choose wisely."

A small herd of students rushed past them, down the hallway towards the Great Hall for supper.

Hermione could tell he was growing impatient and decided it would be best to keep his attention while she still had it. "I won't take up too much of your time, Severus ... I promise to make it brief." She smiled, trying to lighten up the mood and offset his aversion to her presence. Supper would still be served in the great hall well past nine, so time was on their side.

Severus chuckled in amusement and shook his head. "I am not here to pander to whatever whims you have, Miss Granger. It is Tuesday at 7pm or it will be after the Christmas Break. You might have everything sorted, but the art of preparation for another set of dunderheads to ruin my stocks, takes more than a couple of weeks. They don't just magically appear, you know." Severus stepped out of the way so that it didn't quite look like he was conversing with the Gryffindor, when the Headmistress appeared, casting a bemused look at Severus and Hermione as she ushered student stragglers toward their evening meal.

"Tuesday it is, then." Hermione smiled, feeling proud of herself that she had at least tried to get her way. She added a hint of sarcasm in her tone to match his own as she continued, "I'll make sure to let Harry know that I won't be meeting up with him and Ginny because you simply refused to fit me into your schedule. I'm sure he'll be pleased to know you're still set in your ways."

Despite what he said, and his obvious discomfort, he was rather pandering to her whims at the moment, so she reigned in the cheek and continued to engage him.

"Do you not stay at Hogwarts during the holidays, sir? I was quite hoping you would, as I won’t be returning home, and the rest of the staff won’t be here. I've a ton of books covering esoteric subjects in my personal library, which I am keen on exploring but could use your help in dissecting the more complex explanations." Hermione stepped towards him and smiled at Minerva as she glided past them. Was Snape embarrassed to have been seen having a civil conversation with her? She could barely hold back her laughter.

"I have no desire to stay in this blasted castle any longer than is required. My habits outside of teaching are none of your business, Miss Granger. Now, if you'll excuse me I have places to go," Severus drawled as he stepped around her and headed hastily down to the dungeons.

Was she honestly laughing at him for his discomfort? Miss Granger had definitely reconfirmed that she still had zero manners. 

Arriving at his chambers, he removed his outer robes as the fire in the grate sprang to life, radiating a comfortable heat around the modest furnishings.

He approached the small kitchenette that he used to brew his more volatile and expensive potions. Dimming the flame, he added a pinch of powdered unicorn horn and stirred it anticlockwise five times before adding a dash of murtlap essence.

Quickly, Several lost himself in his brewing until a _tap, tap, tap_ on his window broke his concentration. Grumbling under his breath, he wrenched the window open, tore off the letter attached to a small tawny owl, and shoved the creature back into the darkness, earning himself a sharp nip to his finger in the process.   
  


\----------

Hermione wasn't generally so easily amused, but she had been playing a cat and mouse game for the past week. She, obviously, being the cat and Severus Snape, playing the sneaky mouse. He always found a corridor to turn to or a stairwell to descend upon just as she closed in on him. Was she really that much of a nuisance?

The notice _Defense Against the Dark Arts Classroom. No cursing allowed._ still hung on the ligneous door leading into DADA classroom. No other DADA instructor had taken it down before and she would not be the one to break tradition. Hermione suspected they had all chosen to leave it as a reminder to themselves more so than the students. There was rarely ever a night where Hermione did not find herself cursing under her breath while scoring her student’s essays. Essay after essay full of superfluous information, and those were the decent ones.

She glimpsed towards the grandfather clock Remus had left behind in his rush to leave Hogwarts, and she gasped at the large hand over 11. She had 5 minutes to race down three flights of stairs and down into the depths of the dungeons. A bottle of absinthe in hand and the battered manuscript in the other, she rushed out the door, wards automatically securing her classroom and office as the door slammed behind her. 

She skidded to a halt at exactly 7pm. Before she could knock, the door swung open and Snape stood before her, an eyebrow raised as he suspiciously eyed the green bottle of absinthe cradled in the nook of her arm. "Could you have procured a more Slytherin-looking bottle of alcohol, Miss Granger?" He scoffed as he stepped aside allowing her safe passage. "Your inexperience shows. You won’t be able to peruse two lines out of that book after two sips of absinthe."

"My habits outside of teaching are none of your business, Professor Snape," Hermione snapped as she slid into his office. Her front had briefly dragged against his. She paused for a second, relishing in the warmth. She turned and gave him a soft smile before setting the bottle gently onto the desk, despite her urge to slam it down. She did want to discuss this book with Severus - no, she needed to discuss this book with him. She had not slept a full night's sleep since she began to read the book. She wanted to know his take on several different theories the book had provided.

"Well, get on with it," Snape snapped back as he walked over to his liquor cabinet and poured himself a large glass of brandy.

"Charming, Severus, as always," Hermione said dryly as she walked over and sat herself down on his black leather couch, regretting her choice to wear a skirt as she felt her legs instantly begin to stick to the shiny material. "It was chapter six that I wanted to discuss," she explained, ignoring the fact that he was being most inhospitable. She opened the book to the correct page and read the subtitle, "The use of pollens and herbs to create aphrodisiacs and sexual enhancers. I was hoping you would like to explore this with me. I have a good working knowledge of potion making but I have never managed to reach your level of expertise - "

"Naturally," Snape said in amusement, concealing a snort as he poured himself another drink. Of course it would be that part that would hold her interest. Though why she thought he would be the perfect individual to discuss such trivialities he did not know.

Hermione rolled her eyes and watched as sprightly fingers wrapped around a short glass half-filled with ice cubes. 

"It is concerning that out of all the intricate and _stimulating_ subjects that line the pages of that manuscript ... " Snape paused as he firmly placed the glass on top of the oak coffee table directly in front of her, an inquisitive glint present in his eyes as he stared down at Hermione. "You come to me to inquire about aphrodisiacs and sexual enhancers." Snape retrieved his own glass and sat back in a large, padded leather armchair on the other side of the table. His index finger toyed with the head of a green silver serpent that lined the arm of the chair as he peered over at Hermione over the top of his glass.

"Well, I have little experience in these obscure subjects, Severus. They weren't taught at Hogwarts, and my mentor at my previous position had minimal knowledge." Hermione was wary as Snape snapped two long fingers and the bottle of absinthe spun open. The green liquid sparkled vividly as she poured herself four fingers worth. 

Snape raised an eyebrow and smirked. _Four fingers._ "I did not see a need to include these superfluous topics in the curriculum. Sexual enhancers and aphrodisiacs are not vital to human life. Unless of course ..." Snape furrowed his eyebrows with vague concern. "... there is trouble in paradise. Is there, Miss Granger, trouble in paradise?"

Well, damn. 

Hermione bit her bottom lip, steeling herself. The man's eyes glittered like water at night. Black and fathomless. He obviously knew that she was single. Ron and she had parted ways years prior. Nothing dramatic, just an amicable parting of the ways. Snape was only attempting to goad her into admitting something embarrassing enough to send her running. 

The joke was on him. 

Hermione wasn't above admitting she wanted to try a few of those tinctures out with _him_.

"Why the sudden diffidence?" asked Snape as he prodded her for answers. A small fire burned and crackled in the fireplace, making her silence all the more deafening. "Well?" Snape persisted. Hermione knew the man long enough, knew that he'd first slither into her mind before allowing her to scour his.

"Is it so surprising that a single woman might be interested in such topics?" Hermione replied with a shrug as she sipped at her absinthe, eyes sparkling with mirth as she watched him twitch at her answer.

Clearly he had not been expecting her to be honest.

"What say you, Severus? Have you ever felt the need to dabble with chapter six?" Hermione asked, goading him slightly as the alcohol sunk into her bones, relaxing her.

"I don't _dabble,_ Miss Granger," said Snape, his eyes narrowing at the sight of her careless consumption of the green elixir. His own chest felt warm as he took a sip from his glass and felt the brandy wash over his tongue and down his throat. It made him uncomfortable to hear Hermione Granger refer to herself as a woman when, to him, she was still a niggling child who had a pervasive obsession with books. 

"You have forty-five minutes remaining," Snape continued as he stood up to pour himself another healthy serving of brandy, his back now turned to her. 

Hermione noted that he wasn't averse to using magic, but Snape preferred to use his hands whenever possible. It was especially prevalent in his classroom when he methodically cut ingredients by hand and disapproved of the excessive use of incantation by his students. 

"This is a meeting of the minds, not a detention. I'm not a student anymore, Severus, and would appreciate it if you didn't treat me like a first year," Hermione scolded. Then she downed the contents of her glass before pouring herself another. "I take it, then, that you have _never_ used potions to enhance sexual pleasure?"

He swirled the amber liquid in his own glass. Severus was near to losing his patience. Who did she think she was, bringing him into the question? "We are not here to discuss my sexual proclivities, Miss Granger. You were the one who wanted my help. Now you will get on with whatever it is that has piqued your interest, or leave my chambers immediately. I have far more pleasurable things to be getting on with, and pandering to the whims of young _women_ isn't one of them."

The desire to dock points for her cheek rose within him, but he had to remind himself that she was now another faculty member. No, he needed another way to teach Miss Granger what happens to little girls who do not listen to their elders. 

Not that he was old, per se, but he was definitely old enough to be her father regardless of the fact that her robes were practically moulding themselves to her body rather than hanging loosely as was tradition. 

Did she do that on purpose? 

Was there more to her visit than mere curiosity over an old book?

"Really, Severus, you do surprise me. As far as I was aware, you rarely venture out of the castle. When do you have time for _pleasurable_ activities?" Hermione challenged. Then she drank deeply from her glass, looking at him through her lashes.

The bloody _gall_ of the chit. Severus was fuming. In no reality would _Hermione bloody Granger_ question him about his pleasurable activities! To insinuate -

"Breathe, Severus," the damnable witch smirked. "No need to be so embarrassed about a ... dry spell."

He was going to kill her. 

"Or have you _never_ ..."

Yes. Severus would kill her. With enthusiasm. 

And he would thoroughly enjoy it.

She could see the tension building in the creases of his face as the familiar glimmer of rage appeared in his black eyes. It was so easy to get under his skin ... to push him over the edge. Pleased with herself, Hermione smirked. Clearly, the absinthe was clouding her better judgement as she barely recognized her own voice when she spoke. 

"Cat got your tongue?"

Her eyes widened with anticipation as she observed his knuckles turning white. Toying with Snape felt like playing with fire and Hermione was hoping he was willing to play the game.

"Your time is up, Miss Granger," Snape said curtly as he tightened the grip on his glass. All he wanted to do was show her just how capable he was, until he realised that he would probably act like an over-eager teenager and soil himself before he even got to pleasure her.

"And what would you do if I stay put?" Hermione raised an inquisitive eyebrow as she finished downing her glass. "Are you going to carry me through the dungeons, down the corridors, and deposit me in my chambers? That would look suspicious." Hermione watched his eyes narrow with disapproval. "Relax, I jest."

If looks could kill, she would have already dropped dead. 

Hermione gathered her coat and placed it over her lap as she leaned closer over the table to push one last button before departing. "You are quite an enigma, Severus ... I would have never taken you for a _virgin._ "

Severus felt something snap deep inside of him and suddenly he was stalking after her. He grabbed her wrist, spun her around and pinned her to the wall.

"Not everyone needs sex in order to feel complete. I enjoy sex but only with someone I love. I don't do casual, or meaningless, and I don't let infuriating Gryffindors who can't handle their liquor into my bed. I have only ever loved one person in my life, Miss Granger, and I'm sure you can guess who." 

Severus was flushed with anger as he pinned her wrists above her head.

"If you thought you could entice me into bed by simply discussing sexual enhancement potions, you're more of an idiot than I previously believed. I have not been, nor am I, attracted to you in any way, shape, or form, and the sooner you get that into your thick skull, the better." Severus' dark eyes flashed dangerously as he released her and stormed back into his chambers, locking and warding the door for good measure.

Hermione giggled softly to herself as she wandered the labyrinth of halls up towards the library. One of the perks of being a faculty member meant that it was always open to her including the _Restricted Section._

Sitting herself down in her favorite corner after transfiguring the hard wooden chair into something much more comfortable, Hermione turned to chapter nine which focused solely on the human form. The green fairy was already making herself known as Hermione slid her hand into her knickers with a soft moan.


End file.
